So we are 3 weeks post transplant and physically both Katherine and I are doing great. I am a little surprised at how this has affected me emotionally though.
I had read that many people just feel down once the transplant is over because all the attention is gone, and I haven’t experienced that. However, I have felt somewhat down without identifying a real cause. It was really easy to identify when mom left on Sunday! She’s my best friend, I so enjoyed having her around, and I was sad when she left.
I’ve never struggled with depression and I don’t think that’s what I’d call this, but I have this strange tension. I want to be all alone, and yet I want to be surrounded by people at the same time. Because I have been somewhat isolated over the last 3 weeks, it becomes even easier to stay isolated. I feel totally capable and normal, but then I realize I’m just not there yet. For me, I know this is all temporary, but it made me wonder. What about people who struggle with long term illness who are homebound? Do they struggle with discouragement, depression and just feeling down? What about people like Katherine who are homebound for months at a time?
Those moments when I realize my stamina is just not where I want it to be yet, and I am again in bed at 6pm…I know this will pass, and quickly for me. But what about someone who can’t get out much, maybe an elderly person with failing health? What about a friend who is struggling with a medical condition that leaves him or her home on disability and alone?
I can’t help take these thoughts to the next level and ask God why he is showing me this. What am I supposed to do with this different understanding of what it is like to be home and alone and sometimes just not feeling like normal?
I do believe God works in all things so I wasn’t exactly surprised to have an email today about training #3 through a program at a local hospital that specifically addresses the importance of home visits after a hospital stay! I am part of my church hospital visitation team and the next training session is about home visits…the very thing God is opening my eyes to.
Going forward I will definitely have more tenderness toward others who are homebound and/or ill. I see the importance of phone calls, cards, meals, and visits in a different way. If you know someone like this, maybe today take a few minutes to reach out in some way. It means more than you realize!