I think one of the things I’ve appreciated most and struggled with the most is the sense of being alone in this decision to be a living donor. I have a tremendous amount of support starting most with my husband. He has made incredible sacrifices to meet doctors and go to appointments with me, and I want to say he supports my decision, but it was really our decision. We decided together that this was a good decision, and we would continue down this path until God closed the door. My kids are all supportive – even my 25 year old in Spain who is wishing she could be here during the surgery. My parents and siblings and coworkers (they’re like family) are all incredibly supportive. Even still, I am alone with my thoughts.
It is in those alone times that God spoke loudest to me.
I remember that very first day as I considered this wild idea of offering one of my working kidneys to a woman I really don’t know. Trust me, I had all the “what ifs” run through my head that day. And with every “what if”, I heard “your body is not your own; you were bought with a price.” (1 Cor. 6:19-20) Every. Single. One.
So I’m running a constant dialogue with the God who knit me in my mothers womb (Ps. 139) thinking about my body and actually offering a part of myself as an offering to God. He made me; he surely knows what my future holds and if I trust Him, I should be able to trust him with my one remaining kidney right?
It caused me to wonder – why would I not offer my body to another? Self-preservation? Selfishness? Fear of risk? I say I trust God, but do I trust Him enough to put myself at what seems to be a physical disadvantage for the rest of my life?
The more I thought, the more I realized I had to say YES! I had to say YES because I had this unique opportunity to offer life to someone else. Life! LIFE!